Twenty minutes into class he was already complaining.
“This is too touchy feely,” he said directly to me. At this point I had shared restroom and break logistics and asked everyone to introduce themselves at their tables.
Thankfully I know his type.
When I had people stand and meet someone new, accompanied by questions they’d already answered to make the exchange easier, he grumbled.
Fifty minutes into class, he spoke directly to me about the class being different than he thought it was going to be. I confirmed that the class he wanted was probably not the one he was in. The title and objectives clearly showed what he wanted was not what he’d been signed up for.
He grumbled…again.
If you take some advice on dealing with challenging behaviors you might feel compelled to address his grumbling up front, ask him to minimize it, and try to squash the behavior as soon as possible.
That, however, is not the approach to take with this type of grumbler.
This grumbler just grumbles. About everything. They are the type of person who given a beautiful birthday cake would say it was the wrong flavor. Provided a day off would say it wasn’t the right day. You probably have met the type.
So, I just let it go. I listened to him, acknowledged some of his concerns, but not all.
Oh, I should probably add this person also likes to throw out side comments that are sarcastic in a childlike way. The grumbler, somehow, finds this behavior entertaining.
During a break, he revealed his true self to me. He looked around the room at the posters that class had completed and said, “you have a lot of really good students in here.”
There it was. He was using training as some sort of break away from his everyday — someplace to be other than work. He was also, somehow, surprised that people in class actually wanted to learn so they could more easily perform the tasks on their job.
The distinction between him and many other challenging behaviors is that much of his grumbling was directly to me. He also asked a few questions in class just to see my reaction. He was testing me. He wasn’t a bad person. He wasn’t even really a bad participant. He just was trying to get a reaction out of me. It’s a weird game, but one I’ve seen people play before. It’s a game to test my professionalism and perhaps my humanity.
He was exasperating.
So exasperating, that I’m taking my time to write about him. (And he’d probably love that he did get to me!)
But I know to not let him get under my skin. Don’t let him get under your skin.
Watch the people around him. Most, I noticed, simply ignored him. They weren’t engaging with his ridiculous behavior. Since he was surrounded by coworkers, my guess is they were used to his antics.
If I had confronted him, he would have then seen me as attacking him and his challenging behavior would have escalated. By talking to him calmly, not reacting to his comments, they remained at a digestible level. Sometimes, that’s all we can hope for. Keep them from becoming more extreme because he obviously wasn’t going to act like more of an adult.
Have you met him? Or his cousin? If you do, remember these steps:
- Listen
- Don’t react
- Don’t take it personally
- Watch the reaction of those around him
- Let it go if it’s not impacting anyone else
- Provide group work that allows those close to him to have a break away from him
Have you dealt with someone like him? What worked for you? I’d love to know in the comments below.
When I first started training, I had a learner come up to me after he signed the training record and turn in his assessment, which he passed, (to get credit) and say to me, “I just wanted to let you know, that I didn’t get ANYTHING out of this training.” My initial reaction was to ask: Why? How could I help him? Should I review some things with him?, all those questions were coming up in my head. But, no, he wasn’t there to get an answer, I think it was just to say that to me and see my reaction. Like your “him,” I learned to let it go. I couldn’t take it personally. Glad to know I’m not the only one.